One of Arcadia’s most important characters is never seen on stage—Lord Byron, Romantic poet and international celebrity. Dramaturgy assistants Margaret Lebron and Jack Tamburri caught up with the notorious raconteur to record his feelings about Tom Stoppard, poetry, and the women of Sidley Park ...

Court Theatre: What do you think about Stoppard invoking your name and legacy without ever giving you a voice?

Lord B.: Frankly, if the “bounced Czech,” as he so endearingly classifies himself, had
attempted to capture my inimitable style in his own prose I have no doubt that he would have failed in so doing. Thus, in a way, my absence from the events of the drama is a blessing, as I would surely have been travestied in the wordy, historically-imprecise fashion of which the man seems so fond.

Court Theatre: Imprecise? What did Stoppard get wrong in this play?

Lord B.: For starters, his ridiculous claim that that tiresome boy shot my hare. I was there, and I tell you plainly that the shot was mine, which truth the game book record reflects with the impartiality of Minos.

Court Theatre: Is that all?

Lord B.: Is that not enough? And to then impugn my poetic genius with base punnery—”A hare's breadth,” indeed! The only words of mine he deigns to present fall from the mouth of a pedantic Don from Sussex! The poor audience hears more lines of Chater than Byron! In what nightmare is that the stuff of satisfying drama?

Court Theatre: What is your opinion of The Couch of Eros?

Lord B.: I’ve not read it.

Court Theatre: But the book was found in your library.

Lord B.: Ah, yes! That would have been the volume which I received from the lady of the house. I intended to include its author in a subsequent edition of English Bards and Scotch Reviewers, but could not bring myself to read the thing. In my defense, at every attempt I was overcome by a profound somnolency.

Court Theatre: Since we’re here to set the record straight, can you shed any light on the rumors of amorous entanglement in your time at Sidley Park?

Lord B.: It always comes back to that, doesn’t it? When my old Trinity mate Hodge invited
me to Sidley, one of the features of his letter was an exquisite description of the estate’s
matron, a Lady Croom. I packed at once. I will say only that I found poor Septimus’s limited vocabulary inadequate to the task of enumerating the lady’s many charms.

Court Theatre: Were there any other features of the house that caught your interest during your stay?

Lord B.: Lady Croom’s conversation was unparalleled that season, as was her posture. I did happen to take notice of another of the house’s many guests, a Continental beauty who answered to the apt moniker, Charity. Indeed, as I think of it now I recall many fine moments shared in some sort of boathouse or gazebo on the grounds.

Court Theatre: On the topic of the grounds, what is your opinion of Mr. Noakes’s imaginative approach to landscaping?

Lord B.: I also recall a charming young girl who seemed to delight in following me about the house when she was not at her lessons. It's a shame that such a bright girl was being tutored by a dullard. I intended to offer my own services as a supplement to her education, but circumstances forced me to quit the house before I could do so. There was also a butler with an exemplary physique…

Court Theatre: Speaking of romantic liaisons, can you speak about your storied relationship with Lady Caroline Lamb?

Lord B.: What more need be said? I will take the opportunity to voice my displeasure with the tawdry, populist exposé that our Miss Jarvis took such pleasure in compiling. While I have always had immense respect for Lady Caroline’s many talents, it is clear whom history has deemed the greater poet.

Court Theatre: So, if you didn’t fight a duel with Ezra Chater, why did you flee to Europe in such a hurry that year?

Lord B. (leaping to his feet): And yet a little tumult, now and then, is an agreeable quickener of sensation; such as a revolution, a battle, or an adventure of any lively description!

He then exited the interview brandishing pistols.

~

LORD BYRON: George Gordon, the 6th Baron of Byron was a British Poet. Along with Wordsworth, Coleridge, Shelley, and Keats, Byron was a leading figure of Romanticism. Don Juan, Childe Harold’s Pilgrimage, She Walks in Beauty, and Darkness are among his most important writings. He is famous also for his sensational lifestyle, including love affairs with a number of men and women, extremes of wealth and debt, a stint running guns for the Greek revolution, and a generally roguish character. He was famously described by Lady Caroline Lamb (his mistress) as “mad, bad, and dangerous to know.” He died in 1824 at the age of 36.

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